Lessons I Learned In My First Year Of Marriage
Regardless of what you see on T.V. and in the movies, there is a learning curve that comes along with marriage. Being accountable to someone else and adjusting to living with a someone takes time to get used to.
My husband and I have been married for just over a year, and I’ve learned more than I thought possible within this time.
1. In Marriage, Pick Your Battles Wisely
You will learn quickly that there are some little things you just have to let go. For example, Joe (my husband) likes the butter at room temperature and wanted to leave it out on one of those butter stands. I, however, prefer to have the butter kept in the refrigerator.
So for the first month of marriage, I would put it in the fridge and by the end of the day it would end up out on the cabinet.
Eventually, I let it go.
You and your husband grew up differently, some families take their shoes off at the door and others are okay with leaving them on. You just have to decide what is worth arguing over and what really isn’t that big of a deal.
2. Be Okay With Not Always Getting Your Way
You’re married now. And that means there’s going to be a lot of compromises, and you also won’t always get your way.
You have to be okay with that. And more than just being okay with it, be happy with it.
You love your husband and want him to be happy as well.
And sometimes that means going to get pizza with him when you would really rather have tacos, but you got to pick last week, so now it’s his turn.
It actually sounds a little childish, but a lot of the things we learned as kids like sharing, taking turns, and not getting your way, come back as useful skills in marriage.
3. Sharing a Bed Is Not Always Easy
I love getting to sleep in the same bed with my husband every night. It’s like an endless sleepover with movies and giggles and popcorn.
And it’s all fun and games until the sleeping part happens.
Someone is a blanket hog and the other person snores.
I can say from experience, adjusting to this was hard. But, there are ways to make it better!
For example, we figured out that Joe only snores when he sleeps on his back. So when he wakes me up in the middle of the night snoring, I gently (kind of) roll him over onto his side. Problem solved.
It takes time, but you will get used to it and figure out your own ways to make it work.
4. Talk It Out and Fight Fair
This is an important one. When fights arise in relationships, there are a few different types of people. There are the calm ones who can talk things out fairly, the yellers, and the ones that shut down.
I’m that last type of person. When we get into an argument my immediate reaction is to shut down. To get really quiet and just not say anything at all. Not wanting to make it worse, but also not knowing how to make it better.
But what I learned is that this type of fighting is neither fair nor helpful. A huge part of marriage is communication. You have to communicate with each other, and when you shut down, you are cutting off all forms of communication.
Instead, sit down together and have a simple conversation. Don’t blame one another or point fingers, instead tell each other how you feel, what’s bothering you and why.
5. Mundane Activites Are Enjoyable
I think that some people have this idea that when they get married life is suddenly exciting and romantic all the time. Probably because that’s how the movies portray it.
Once the wedding and honeymoon are over, you kind of just go back to real life, but now you’re doing life with someone you love.But we both still go to work. We do laundry and go to the grocery store. We have to clean and do dishes.
Don’t get me wrong, we get to do a lot of fun things. In our first year of marriage, we traveled quite a bit and really enjoyed ourselves.
However, what I have found is that when you are with the right person, even the mundane things of life are enjoyable.
Joe and I truly enjoy going to the grocery together. And if we have a lazy Saturday, we enjoy sitting on the couch playing card games together. Doing nothing is fun, as long as I’m doing it with my favorite person.